I’m too needy to be needed now I’m too feely to be felt (up) now I’m too hungry to feed now I’m too thirsty to quench now I’m too lost to find now I’m too deep to splash now I'm too many questions to answer now I'm too many thoughts to listen now I'm too much to be small now I'm too bright to be dim now I’m too new to be old now I’m too me to know you now
Inspiration found in “Untamed”, by Glennon Doyle July 10, 2020
When you figure that out, write it down,
he says. As if relationship were a concept, an abstract idea easily understood once pinned (or penned) down. But relationships, like words require context and that context is us. You. Me. Complex humans who cannot come to any word without interpretation specific to you, to me. Where ne’er the twain shall meet…?
You have no idea. Behind pages and screens I hide. There I find time to distill my unspoken thoughts into carefully honed words. The page is a wall, my own personal fortress. Here I store the strength to steel myself against misinterpretation or (god forbid) outright rejection. The one place I can be truly me, whether anyone else approves or not.
With you I force myself to speak, an attempt to be done with hiding. This time I will see, hear, know what comes of my words. The relationship that cannot bear the weight of them is a mirage, an oasis shimmering in the distance with only the empty promise of connection.
words too heavy float like boulders in my mind i fear the fall of their weight on ears too fragile
Most often the words will not come. When they do, the anticipation of possible outcomes catch them in my throat. I watch you do it too, ill-prepared for the vulnerability that revelation invites.
But what if the fear is a lie, the mere shadow of a monster cast by our own egos upon that flat featureless expanse of time we see stretched out before us? Unlike Pan, we reject it, content to let it drag along behind, weighing us down with the burden of truths we are unwilling to face in the glaring light of context.
My eldest daughter recently introduced our family to a practice called Nonviolent Communication.
“NVC is about connecting with ourselves and others from the heart. It’s about seeing the humanity in all of us. It’s about recognizing our commonalities and differences and finding ways to make life wonderful for all of us.”
As I understand it, the basic premise is that in every human interaction, a request is being made. The principles found in Nonviolent Communication address 1. how the request is expressed, and 2. the response if/when the request is refused.
To talk about Nonviolent Communication necessitates some discussion of its more prevalent opposite, violent communication. When it comes to communication, most people operate from ego or the unconsciously remembered pain of the past (often referred to as subconscious programming). After all, hurt people hurt people. Violent communication typically involves 1. a demand for particular behavior from another (in order to supposedly secure happiness), and 2. a refusal to take no for an answer without some form of retribution. Guilt and shame are commonly used to manipulate, and rarely, if ever, do communication issues find full resolution.
Violent communicators have difficulty acknowledging their own needs. For instance, when person A accuses person B of saying or doing something person A dislikes, it is rare that person A is aware that they have an underlying need that is unmet. Further, if person B is unaware of person A’s unspoken need and/or their own underlying needs, the communication can be perceived as a personal attack, simultaneously triggering them as well. The ‘violence’ escalates when neither party is able to articulate or acknowledge their own underlying needs or find constructive ways to meet them. Violent communication is the basis for all broken relationships from the occasional spat with a spouse to all-out war between countries.
The goal of Nonviolent Communication is the actualization of the natural capacity we all have for compassion and empathy towards one another. It involves the realization that everyone shares the same basic needs, and that each of us is personally responsible to meet those (our own) needs. Without this understanding put into practice, Nonviolent Communication is impossible.
The most important and challenging factor for me personally has been taking the time to identify the underlying unmet needs within myself and the person I am interacting with. Knowing these needs (or learning the questions that will help uncover them) develops both self-awareness and a deeper relationship with others (because, empathy). Communicating in a manner that seeks to meet everyone’s needs not only enhances our own well-being but can significantly strengthen our relationships.
NVC teaches that every human being has seven basic needs:
Beneath these larger topics are sublists of multiple emotional needs. So how do you identify your own or other’s underlying needs in the heat of the moment? By paying close attention to the body. When we are triggered by someone else’s words or behavior, it can be difficult to step back and observe, but that is exactly what is necessary in order to avoid escalating conflicts. The body is the key – recognizing and giving our attention to negative emotions and thoughts that arise during an interaction can mean the difference between violence and peace, resolution and discord.
Over the past year or so, I have begun analyzing ‘triggered’ reactions (mine and other’s) in an attempt to learn a better, gentler way of communicating. Sometimes I have been able to avoid a conflict altogether, simply by taking the time to detach and look at the situation more rationally, while still listening to my body. Obviously the greatest hurdle to overcome is communicating nonviolently with people who approach me with violence. But responding with empathy and compassion can open doors to conflict resolution even when the person you are communicating with remains unwilling to acknowledge or explore their own unconscious behaviors and unmet needs.
The final key to nonviolent communication is forgiveness. We must begin by forgiving ourselves for the many ways we have used violent forms of communication in the past. By showing ourselves compassion and acknowledging that we are always doing the best we can with the information and experience we have, we can then extend this same grace to those around us.
We all have needs, we all seek ways to meet those needs. As we do, may we learn to communicate with kindness, empathy, compassion, and forgiveness.
Thanks so much for reading!
Namaste,
~C
Life begins on an inhale and ends with a final exhale. Most of us will take innumerable breaths in between, and while it could be said that breathing is arguably the most important thing we will ever do, it is something we think very little about.
Breathing is a function of the autonomic nervous system, but unlike the majority of the body’s involuntary functions, we can exercise some control over it – if we give our attention to it. Unless you meditate, practice yoga, or have a serious chronic lung condition, you probably never think about breathing, but you may want to start. According to Dr. Artour Rakhimov,
Over 90% of modern people suffer from breathing problems … [including] chest breathing, mouth breathing, and hyperventilation, all of which reduce oxygen levels in body cells and promote chronic diseases.
http://www.normalbreathing.com (emphasis mine)
Consider that number for a moment. I am willing to bet that you and I are in there. My own journey with the breath began many years ago while reading an article on running. Most runners breathe in rhythm with their feet. For example, the inhale and exhale happen when either the left or right foot strikes the ground. Apparently some scientists discovered that breathing in and out with the same foot strike can lead to heart problems. Even today when I run, I count steps between breaths – in for 3 (through the nose), out for 4 (through the mouth). In this way, I ensure that each time I inhale, I alternate feet.
I began meditating and practicing yoga in 2015. Yoga encourages a slight resistance in the throat to help regulate the breath. Yogic breathing makes a comforting sound in my head like ocean waves crashing on the beach. I have worked with that some, and Kundalini as well. Wim Hof‘s method of breathing has been scientifically tested many times. I especially encourage you to look into his work if you strive for peak athletic performance.
Fast forward to the summer of 2019. I will not rehash the experience since you can read about it here, but Dr. Tom’s initial perception of my inability to take a deep breath stuck with me. That and the respiratory distress that had sent me to Georgia in the first place got me thinking about breathing again.
In November I scrolled right into a Facebook post about a breath technique called SOMA. A few short weeks into the practice I noticed an increase in my stamina, heightened focus during meditation, and a deeper sense of relaxation overall. Then, in January, 2020 I blundered into Michelle D’Avella’s method of breathwork. Her brother Matt’s YouTube video convinced me that there was something there for me to explore. Turns out, he was right.
Modern metaphysics has a name for belief systems that cause us to behave in ways we would rather not: subconscious preprogramming. Some of these programs we inherit from our ancestors (through our DNA), but most we acquire from our families and peers.
Children spend their first 6-7 years in a Theta dream state, incapable of analytical thought, yet everything seen, heard, and felt is imprinted onto the subconscious mind and these imprints – or rather our unconscious interpretations of them – form the belief systems by which we interpret the world and our place in it. To complicate matters, children lack the capacity to understand or manage their own negative experiences (aka traumas). Societal norms and family expectations often teach us to reject or stuff the more volatile emotions of anger, fear, jealousy, even grief. Through conditioning, we learn to automatically pull away from these feelings in ourselves and others, contracting not only mind and spirit, but the body as well. These repressed emotions become what Carl Jung termed the shadow, and our shadows become triggers.
A trigger is something that sets off a memory tape or flashback transporting the person back to the event of her/his original trauma.
https://psychcentral.com/lib/what-is-a-trigger/
To hide from our shadows, we develop stories around our past that form the basis of our unconscious belief systems. Each story carries with it a negative emotional charge. These negative emotions then form ‘blocks’ in our psyche which hinder our ability to move through life with ease. Left to fester long enough, blocks manifest as overwhelm in the mind (anxiety, depression, addictive behaviors) and/or pain/disease in the body.
On some level, we all fear looking at our shadows. After all, they are built of painful memories that often evoke feelings of shame. But 95% of human behavior is borne out of subconscious preprogramming. That means that whatever traumas and emotions you are unwilling to face are probably controlling your life.
There is something about consciously breathing deep into the belly that opens the door for emotions to arise and be cleared. Breathing with intention can rescue us from the pain and shame of the past if we learn to give our bodies permission to feel through all of those rejected emotions. By allowing our blocks to come into conscious awareness, we can release them with love and acceptance.
Daily, moment to moment, the body is breathing itself. We need not do anything, but with conscious use, we are capable of many things. In an alchemical way, we can turn our dark matter into breath, to flow with breath, to release with breath.
On the conscious exhale, the willingness to sit with the rising up, we become capable of the letting go of weights. We held them so strongly that we had no idea just how heavy we were, until we’re floating.
https://upliftconnect.com/breathwork-for-clearing-trauma/
I began pouring paint in December of 2018. After a few months, I noticed new levels of creativity and experienced a peace and joy that I had not known before. My love for fluid acrylics crystalized into a desire to pass this freedom of expression on to others, so I offered paint classes that included meditation focused on connecting with the creativity found inside each of us.
The effects of COVID-19 have provided me with a lot more time and energy to explore my inner world than I would normally allow myself. During the second week of a 21-Day SOMA Journey, I realized that breathwork was the direction I want to go in terms of meditation – both personally and in the art classes I will one day teach again.
Ironically, I have not been able to put paint to canvas since my self-imposed quarantine began on March 15 (50+ days ago). But I sure have been breathing! And healing … and dreaming. I plan to develop my own style of breathwork, something that I hope will inspire deeper depths of creativity in myself and others. In the meantime, I would love to hear about any and all aspects of your journey in the comments below!
If you are interested in learning more about breathwork, please visit the links I provided in this post. For information about classes that combine meditation with fluid art, connect with me at ripplesofinsight@gmail.com.
Namaste, and thank you so much for reading.
~Cindy
Paint pouring with Cindy, with a focus on exploration and creativity in the moment, what could be better? Cindy gives lots of options for self discovery and helps you to design a lasting memory, as well as sparking a desire for experiences yet to come.
Gee Lawrence, Pickleball aficionado extraordinaire
Tonight Cindy Welch taught me a way to use meditation with pouring art. And it was amazing! I went back to attempting to paint from the things I learned from my meditation … and I felt like I accomplished my goal!! Working with Cindy was such an insightful and spiritual experience. I know that it helped me unblock what was interfering with what I was trying to create!
Rebecca Webeck
I’ve been busy! Between pickleball sessions, a lot of paint has been wandering around on canvas. Check out my most recent creations below and let me know what you think (prices do not include shipping). To request a quote for a commissioned painting, email ripplesofinsight@gmail.com with color scheme, painting size, your location, and, if desired, pouring style. I require a deposit for a commission, which would apply to the final price of your piece. Please note that paint pouring does not lend itself to exact replications.
Click here to take a look at some of my other work.
As always, thanks for reading!
Namaste,
~C
Hard to believe that it’s New Year’s Eve once again. It seems like yesterday I was hanging out with my grandchildren on this night last year, reminiscing about Ireland and contemplating what I thought might be one of my toughest years yet. Turns out that 2019 was kinder and gentler than I had imagined, but not without its challenges. It was a personal 9 year, after all.
Of course, my life for the past 30 years could be most easily characterized by the words ‘let go’ and this last decade was no different. Since 2009 I moved 6 times, started a blog, pulled off a wedding and a divorce, buried a sister, witnessed 3 grandchildren come into the world, published a novel, began a new craft, found a new sport, became a Tarot reader, and spent 11 glorious days in Ireland. All in all, 2019 was a much tamer beast than expected with only 2 job changes and one move – practically dull! 😉
Perhaps it’s me. Hopefully 4-1/2 years of meditation begins to count for something. Living a more minimalist lifestyle helps. If I had not become a paint pouring addict aficionado, everything I own can now fit into one bedroom. But I am not entirely sure how moving back into my home of origin fits into the theme of letting go. The end of a 9 year is also the beginning of a 1 year – a whole new journey of self-discovery. This feels like the old, not the new – like moving backwards, not leaving the past behind to move forwards. And yet … something about being here now is so completely different than before, it could almost be called ‘new.’ Besides, my personal 1 year does not actually begin until my 2020 birthday so, I still have some time.
To say I am looking forward to the coming year would be an understatement, truth be told. I am very excited about what looms down the pike for me. It begins with the cherished time I have now to spend with my parents. We celebrated my mother’s 90th birthday this month and will mark my father’s 92nd year this coming March. I have multiple books begging to be read and at least two asking to be written; my vision for a place to pour paint and read Tarot is coming into focus; I have plans to hike the Northern coast of Ireland and search out my Scottish origins; and there are new relationships waiting around every corner. I expect my next decade to be just as full or fuller than the last!
If you feel so inclined, please let me know all about it in the comments. I look forward to our conversations! As always, thank you for reading.
Namaste,
~C
True love is … receiving a custom made sign commemorating key locations in my novel. 😲 I cannot think of a more creative and thoughtful gift than this!
Roxanne, you just succeeded in making the Christmas of 2019 BEYOND special and amazing and incredible and stupendous, and … I have no words. ❤️💚💜🧡💛💙
X X X O (kisses, kisses, kisses, HUG!) Or as my sister would say, love you bunches and bunches & tons and tons!
Your bestie,
C
Even though this is not getting out until Monday, the energies for the reading are good for 1-6 months. Enjoy!
Saturday, December 21 marked the 2019 Yuletide and Winter Solstice. In an intimate celebration, a friend and I welcomed back the light of the sun. Winter has never been my favorite time of year, so thinking about longer days filled with sunshine left me feeling all warm and fuzzy inside. In the process of researching the various ways that Yule has been celebrated throughout history, I ran into this tree Tarot spread and decided to pull some cards for all of us in honor of the season. This is a general reading for all signs of the Zodiac.
As I looked again at the spread, I was struck by a couple of things. First, the progression in the second row from the King of Pentacles, through the Hanged Man, to the Hierophant. This looks to me like movement from the material to the spiritual with a flip in perspective on the way. It is as if your ideas of what is of value are being turned on their head, and you are moving from an obsession with the things you can see, taste, hear and touch to a renewed focus on the unseen world of spirituality.
In the next row up, notice how the woman is facing left (for me, the past), the man is walking to the right (future), and the 7 of Cups hangs betwixt them. It is as if the 7 is taunting you, even daring you to make the choice – remember that no decision is a decision. Facing yourself, your shadows and weaknesses, coming to terms with your failures, is the requirement for progress forward. Once you make that choice, the journey promises to be so much sweeter than the past. I do feel there is some sorrow involved in this path, but the 10 of Cups stands as a promise that you can trust it will be worth it. It is high time to leave behind the emotions and beliefs pulling our energy away from the now! Time to throw off all that hinders our journey into the light.
It is time to choose.
The numbers (without the clarifier) add up to 8 – manifestation, power, and the energy embodied within the Strength card. You can do this. Never doubt it.
I hope this reading was helpful to you. Feel free to email me at ripplesofinsight@gmail.com with insights, questions, or anything else you would like to say. If you are interested in diving deeper on a more personal level, I offer intuitive Tarot readings in person (in the Greater Richmond, VA area) by phone, or video chat. You can email your question (and specify your preferred format) to cecetarot@yahoo.com. Payment of $40 can be made via PayPal and is completely refundable if you are in any way dissatisfied with your reading.
Sending you much light,
C
November 30, the last day to post, read, comment, or link share for Team Tiny Peppers 2019, has arrived. Many are celebrating a great accomplishment, and well they should. I am so proud of everyone who met their writing goals this month – whatever they were!
On October 31, I intended to make the most of November – to write 10 posts, leave 10 comments, and share 10 links. While that goal was probably quite doable, the month did not exactly pan out the way I had planned. Still, I cannot view this as a failure. After all, I wrote, commented, and posted links more this month than I have in the past year. I also managed to pack up my stuff and move it to a house a few hours away, all the while continuing to teach pickleball, paint, and spend time with my amazing family! I just cannot find it in myself to feel bad about missing the mark this time.
Guilt, as a whole, lost its appeal to me years ago, when I saw it for what it was: a feeling of unworthiness masquerading as a noble emotion able to effect change. In fact, guilt and shame are the worst motivators I have ever come across. I do at times succumb to their lure, both towards myself (I must be to blame) and others (he/she/they must be to blame). But time and again I find the tactic painful and unrewarding.
Much better to finally discover that no one is to blame, that judgement itself is a construct of the ego, an outdated software program compelling me to do whatever it takes to survive. Perhaps the shame/blame game had a place in our earlier evolution when life literally depended on connection to the community. But throughout history are examples of those who understood that the shame/blame game was not the way, that judgement only ever leads to misery (for everyone involved), and that love alone signifies (Jesus, Gandhi, and other ascended masters come to mind).
In the spirit of link shares, I would like to give you a little something that has helped me begin to identify the problem of ego in my own life. I hope that it will inspire you too.
This universe began with love and the story of life must end with love as well. Sure, we may blow this world to kingdom come in an effort to keep the shame/blame game going, but I believe in a universe that will continue to expand even if earthlings do not course correct in time. We are part of the eternal Source of all that is, and there is no power able to bring about the ultimate demise of Source.
Until then, I choose to walk the path of love: taking care of myself, taking care of others, continuing to explore life while letting go of shame and blame. It all must start with me.
So I close November with grace – towards myself, towards you, towards all who can receive it. And I send out the message I have been hearing all year: I am enough … you are enough … we are enough.
May you come to discover the incredible freedom found outside the bounds of the shame/blame game. May you grow to know the amazing person you are and always have been. Today, apart from any perceived success or failure, may you realize your worthiness to thrive. May you come to believe, without any shadow of doubt, that you are enough!
Hope to see you in December. Much love and light.
Namaste,
~C
Blessed Sagittarius season, everyone! I plan to begin writing again once my move is complete, so stay tuned for some holiday explorations and an upcoming Yule Tarot reading! In the meantime, I found a wonderful article I wanted to share. Enjoy!
One Native’s perspective on Thanksgiving. Beautiful read. ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
See you soon!
Namaste,
~C
On Thursday this week, many families in the US will celebrate Thanksgiving. Somewhere in the cloudy memory of my younger days, I recall being taught that the holiday commemorated a camaraderie between Pilgrims and the Indigenous peoples of the land. I came to question that narrative as I grew older, and considering how we continue to mistreat and marginalize the people whose land the settlers stole, I have my doubts about any sort of harmonious relationship between the melting pot of invaders and the Indians of the Americas. Certainly if it ever existed, it was short-lived. I once heard someone say, “The winners write the history books.” That sounds about right to me.
Yet here we find ourselves year after year, coming together around a table to indulge in the abundance of the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave … well, depending on who you are. Apparently, freedom is a fluid concept that may or may not be dependent on the color of your skin.
I remember a man speaking to a full auditorium about his life as a prisoner of war. I do not recall his name, which war he fought in, or what country held him. I do remember hearing him talk about the sense of freedom he experienced during that the days, months, and years spent alone at the bottom of a hole in the ground. Freedom must be more than the ability to go and do where and what you want.
Could it be that freedom – like love, joy, and appreciation – is a state of mind? Maybe true freedom is knowing that there is no substance to the things that enamor us in this world, that what we see, hear, smell, taste, and touch is merely energy coalesced into different forms, enticing us to believe that something outside of ourselves owns the power to grant those higher emotions. What if true freedom is not possessing the land, having the job, getting the vacation, or the ability to eat ourselves into a turkey-induced coma? What if freedom is the understanding that no circumstance, thing, situation, person, or place outside ourselves can ever bring or take true happiness?
I cannot help but wonder if we who indulge our appetites so recklessly every fourth Thursday in November are not the real prisoners. Enslaved by the sheer hunger for more, we do not stop our indulgence on Thursday, but now carry it on through Friday – the day we try to fill a different hole in our hearts, the one reserved for more stuff.
A quick search of the origin of the term “Black Friday” yielded this little gem. It seems to me that the establishment of Thanksgiving as a national holiday was more of a political ploy or an excuse for a couple of paid days off than an opportunity to focus on gratitude. Maybe that’s just my propensity for cynicism talking.
Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy Thanksgiving as a rule. I am glad that our family has an excuse to get together every year around a table full of food we all helped to prepare. And I am one of the lucky ones – my family comes together often, without any excuse but our love for one another. For that I am immensely grateful.
My heart goes out to the countless Americans who have no family with which to celebrate this or any holiday; those who are estranged from the ones they love; and those who have no means for a feast. Sad conditions indeed. Sadder still are the ones who have all of those things yet live a life enslaved to their perception of reality, complainers, unable to find joy or peace within despite their abundance without.
The true inspirations are those who manage to find joy without any of those things. Just as a bad circumstance has no power to steal my joy, freedom, love, or gratitude (unless I let it), so abundance and good fortune lack the power to give any of them to me.
I confess, my original plan for this post was to tell you that on Black Friday I will be moving instead of shopping, that it would mark the thirty-something time I have moved since I was 18, and that the thought of moving again makes me tired. Instead I was made to remember that everything I need already exists inside of me. To top that off, my outer world is a place of abundance, a veritable feast of loving family members, places to live, and countless wonderful things I enjoy doing! These thoughts made me realize the many ways that I allow my perceived circumstances to dictate my sense of freedom or bondage, joy or depression, love or fear. My own words have confronted my propensity to complain rather than to thank.
Today I choose to remember that freedom, joy, and gratitude are states of mind that nothing in my outer world may alter without my consent.
May you find the joy that nothing outside of you can steal, the love of yourself that you deserve because you are worthy, and the gratitude & appreciation for the wonder of life itself. May your Thanksgiving be truly blessed – both within and without.
With a thankful heart, Namaste,
~C
It’s worth thinking that maybe the meaning of our lives are actually not even within the scope of our understanding.
Tom Chi, TedX Taipei
This video is for anyone who thinks that their life doesn’t matter. If only you knew how crucial your existence is to everything and everyone else!
No matter how long you spend on this earth or what you ‘do’ with your life, please know that you matter.
Namaste,
~C
I know, I know, November was supposed to be a month of blogging. My life and writing? Not particularly in sync right now. The full schedule will certainly let up right around the first of December – just after NanoPoblano ends. 😒 Mind you, I am not complaining. I may not be writing, but I absolutely love what I am doing.
In lieu of a post tonight, I would like to share an exciting process with you. I may not be writing, but I am most definitely breathing. Enjoy!
SOMA Breath – highly recommend the daily doses. But watch out! They might just change your life – for the better!
Namaste,
~C
It’s no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.
Lewis Carroll
This is a continuation of the journey I began early in the summer of 2019.
I have long understood that everything in our physical realm is made up of invisible energy. This energy must flow freely or our lives will be filled with pain, chaos, and misery. Maybe that’s why I love fluid art so much. Pouring paint has helped me to learn to tap into the flow. But this summer it came to my attention that something was blocking the natural flow of energy inside me. I reached out to Dr. Tom and Emily to see if they could help me identify and eradicate it for good.
At approximately 11:00 in the morning on July 20, Tom Dill offered me a seat on a massage table in his office in the North Georgia Wellness Center. “So what brought you here today?” he asked, graciously omitting the unspoken but implied, all the way from Woodbridge, VA. Emily Francis sat on the couch to my right, preparing to take notes on her phone. At the time, I was unaware that Emily no longer accepted patients and that Dr. Tom never agreed to treat anyone who lived out of state. I still do not know how or why my email persuaded them to see me, only that I am so very grateful it did.
In the middle of my narrative, Dr. Tom glanced at Emily and said, “Do you see that?” “I sure do,” was her immediate response. He waited until I finished before asking, “Can you take a deep breath for me?” It was my first clue that I had come to the right place. Sometime in 2018 I had lost the ability to breathe deeply, as if a stone had lodged in the center of my chest. I felt pain in the area from time to time. I did not know what it was, but I did know that it was completely unrelated to my physical heart. I had an energy problem.
Most of us are unaware of the beliefs and thought patterns we carry around in our subconscious minds. When those beliefs tend towards the negative, they can become blocks in the energy field that eventually cause problems in our physical bodies. While there are several ways to hack the subconscious (many of which I already use, like meditation), I knew that whatever I was dealing with needed something more. I needed help from people who were trained to work directly with energy.
We skipped over the conventional NAET tests for allergens. Instead, Dr. Tom muscle tested me for various emotional issues, beginning with the general heading of ‘my past’. During this portion of the treatment, Tom made some interesting discoveries.
NAET practitioners typically identify negative memories, beliefs, and thought patterns that have morphed into energetic blocks, then clear them using acupressure along the meridian points of the spine. It was quite similar to some of the treatment I have undergone with my acupuncturist. Dr. Tom wanted to know when I first experienced the block in my chest. While trying to remember, I commented how odd it was to me that I could not take a deep breath. “Every trained singer knows full well how to belly breathe,” I said. But I had lost the skill – even during meditation. Muscle testing revealed it began around November 22, 2018. “That was moving day!” I exclaimed. “The day we moved into the house that we love.”
“That makes sense,” Tom said, “since you have trouble allowing yourself to be happy.” Always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Which it rarely does. But if you believe you are not allowed to be happy and you are happy, self sabotage is your only recourse. Dr. Tom proceeded to clear my subconscious aversion to happiness. I couldn’t help but wonder if it would ‘stick.’
Emily’s turn came. The raw pain in my connective tissue brought me up from the table several times. I knew in my head that her brutality was a necessary evil and reminded myself that I hadn’t made the 10-hour drive to be coddled and left in my current condition. Something had to shake my body from its chains. When the massage was over, Dr. Tom returned for a final round of clearing and we were done. Other than the pain I had experienced at Emily’s hand, nothing particularly earth-shattering had happened. I drove back to my friend’s house in Marietta and wondered what I had really accomplished by coming all the way to Georgia.
The next morning I woke up and took the first deep breath I had taken in almost a year. I understood then that my trip had been worth every second and every penny. Life is all about flow, and Tom and Emily had helped my body find it once more.
Today I dream of running an art studio where fluid art and metaphysics come together. Until I open the doors I will learn everything I can about both, thanks to amazing teachers like Aaron Abke, Gilly Kube, Joe Dispenza, Gina Deluca, and many others. For now, I will set my intention, dream my dreams, and learn to live in the flow.
How about you? Is flow something that comes naturally or is it a struggle for you to find? When you detect blocks, how do you go about clearing them? Let me hear from you in the comments.
Thanks so much for reading!
Namaste,
~C
The child standing before me was barely recognizable. Her eyes, nose, and mouth sat jumbled and distorted on the right side of her face – off-kilter, a mirror reflection of the state of my heart. Her head tipped back, revealing eyes filled with longing. How could I refuse the silent plea? As I lifted her into my arms, her features slid back into place. She turned her head on my shoulder and smiled. I knew then that I would take her with me this time. I could no longer leave her in my memories of the past. Perhaps she had outgrown them. Perhaps we both had.
I first encountered my inner child in the backyard of my home of origin. The swing made sense – it had brought me endless hours of delight. There I could forget everything but watching the sky rush down to meet my outstretched feet.
Her joy was a palpable presence as I stood watching her.
I remembered it like it was yesterday. The ground, the sky, the ground, the sky, the ground – then, when I had amassed enough courage, a final leap into thin air! The tumble down the hill, the laughter – just like it was yesterday. My allergy to the green carpet that covered the backyard like an itchy wool blanket had never stopped me jumping. In the interim, other things had gotten in the way of my courage, though.
That day, she did not jump. She just swung, and watched me watching her. I did not remember ever wearing the knowing smile she gave me. When I had amassed enough courage to stand before her, I held out my hand and said, “Come with me.”
“No,” she replied, “you come with me.” Without a word, or even a moment’s hesitation, I turned my back to the swing, waited to feel its touch against my legs, then sat. A strange sensation came over me, as if my body were falling into hers – or had she fallen into me? Now I was swinging. The ground, the sky, the ground, the sky …
But would I ever again amass enough courage to jump? As it turned out, I would.
The Wild Atlantic Way, Part II: A continuation of my time spent in County Kerry, September, 2018. You can read Part 1 here.
The road leading to the beginning of the Ring of Kerry was virtually deserted that time of morning, bewitching me into believing that the day’s drive would be equally as unchallenging. But once on the Ring, buses sped towards me at regular intervals, passing dizzyingly close. I could not help reacting every time, flinching and often pulling over, to the chagrin of the drivers behind me. Even after five full days, every time any car came near, my eyes told me there was just not enough room on the road for the both of us.
I arrived in Waterville – the halfway point – at about three o’clock in the afternoon. There I stopped for a cup of tea in a café serving only ‘staying’ customers, as evidenced by the large “no takeout” sign hanging beneath the register. The proprietor’s passive-aggressive insistence that his patrons sit to partake of his little slice of Irish heaven brought a smile to my face. For me the break from the stress of driving was a welcomed one, and I enjoyed it at my leisure.
Waterville gained renown as the favorite vacation spot of Charley Chaplin, who often enjoyed its charms when on holiday with his family. There were several photos of him on the cafe walls. I took a short walk along the beach after tea, and even went so far as to participate in a local legend. It is believed that picking up a handful of sand from a beach in Ireland and dividing it in half – reserving some in a bottle and throwing the rest into the sea – will ensure the traveler’s return. Fingers crossed for 2021…
In the planning stages of my trip, I learned that the Beara Peninsula (specifically the Healy Pass) was a much more desirable sight than the commercialized Dingle, but at around five o’clock in the afternoon I reached the end of the Ring of Kerry, and on a whim, turned left onto the Dingle Peninsula.
As I drove west, the sky grew progressively darker. A steady rain greeted me in Dingle Town, but I pressed on for a few more miles before realizing my mistake. Having already experienced the difficulty of navigating the narrow streets of Ireland in the dark, I knew that to attempt it with rain too would be madness.
The downpour let up a bit as I headed east, away from the eye of the storm. Relieved, I continued to follow my GPS, pleading with Siri to avoid any gaps. Before I knew what was happening, I had entered the first hairpin turn of the Ballaghbeama Gap. Frantically, I shouted at my phone, “I said no gaps!” But the little wisps of fog trailing into my windshield were the only reply I would get.
The higher I climbed, the thicker the fog became. The problem of reversing direction seemed insurmountable. Not only was the road narrow and one-lane with nothing but air on either side of each switchback, but the fog made it impossible to see more than a few feet in front of my bumper. As if mimicking life itself, moving forward was my only choice.
The darkness grew. I considered contacting my hosts while cursing my lack of a flare. A wry smile crept across my face as I recalled the story they had told me not twenty-four hours earlier about their own search and rescue mission to save a Belgian guest who had lost her way hiking the hills of a similar gap. When it finally it dawned on me that I must be the only one who would dare to brave a gap in weather like that, I relaxed my grip on the steering wheel, at least sure that I would not find myself in a head-on collision.
I have no recollection of how long my slow crawl through the fog-enshrouded Ballaghbeama lasted, but it would be several hours later and a long shot of whiskey before I could calm down enough to sleep. The stress of the ordeal dogged the rest of my trip, and for the first time since boarding the plane to Ireland, I longed for home.
When I finally got around to putting together a photo book and writing down my adventures, it occurred to me the extreme bravery it had taken to make the trip at all. A 50-something woman, driving alone for 11 days through a strange country, willing to blindly follow a map, though it take her through the inky blackness of the Ballaghbeama Gap.
If there is one takeaway from my trip that really meant something to me, it was the realization that I can overcome any challenge thrown my way! Whiskey notwithstanding, I have what it takes to persevere. And at that moment in time, owning a belief in myself meant more to me than a thousand trips to Ireland. I can honestly say today that there was no more defining moment out of that week and a half than the harrowing hours I spent driving through what felt like the valley of the shadow of death. And I couldn’t be more thankful for the experience.
Many thanks for reading.
Namaste,
~C
A little something I ran into early this morning while scrolling through Facebook. I hope it inspires you as much as it did me. ❤
Why not do something extraordinary for someone? You just never know how it might turn out. Enjoy!
Namaste,
~C
As part of this year’s NanoPoblano, we are sharing links to websites and blogs that have had an impact on us. Today I would like to draw your attention to a favorite teacher of mine.
Geraldine Amaral has spent a lifetime learning and living the Tarot. I have taken several of her classes and am slowly working my way through her book, Tarot Celebrations, coauthored with Nancy Brady Cunningham. I will be sure to post a review here on the blog when I finish.
The Spiritual Tarot is filled with great information, pithy quotes, meditations, and of course, how you can connect with the cards. Please visit Geraldine’s site when you have some free time to wander around.
If you’d like to know more about my own journey into Tarot, click here.
As always, thanks so much for reading.
Namaste,
~C
Día de Muertos, All Hallows Eve, Halloween, All Saints Day, Samhain – no matter the name, across cultures it is believed that from October 31 – November 2, the veil between the living and the dead – the spiritual and physical realms – is at its thinnest. It is the time when we honor our ancestors, when we give thanks to those who came before us – the ones who laid the foundation for our lives. In the Pagan tradition, Samhain (a Gaelic word pronounced “sow-win”) also marks the end of one year and the beginning of the next.
I decided to reach out to my angels and guides for a message to the light workers, those of us looking to bring peace, healing, and love into the world. I asked for some word of encouragement for the coming year, something to help further the ascension of humanity.
I set my wand in the center of the spread as a representation of the divide between the upper and lower realms. What follows is my take on the cards. I welcome your input in the comments. Feel free to expand the meaning of the message(s) from your viewpoint.
1. LIFE: VIII of Wands
Embrace all that we hear from spirit. The messages will sync with what we already know to be true. There is a strong sense of order in the way the wands are traveling – now is the time for unity. Standing together, we have the power to raise the vibration to a new level.
Wands are fire, movement, and the things we are passionate about. They can indicate growth. The eight of wands is communication, fast motion forward, and sometimes overwhelm. Messages will be coming in hard and fast, bringing the light of understanding to many. All of the wands are in sync with one another – although some are further ahead – showing that we are working together, yet continue to be on our own individual journeys, at different points along our path. The wands are falling from the sky to the earth – Spirit to flesh – and they are traveling to the right (for me, the ‘right’ direction spiritually – towards the future, advancing forward).
2. DEATH: VII of Wands
Let go of the need to defend our position. The light does not need defense against the dark. Light dispels darkness just by shining. Arguments, rivalry, jealousy – these have no place among those of the light. We are in this deal together or we are not in it at all. Separation & division are illusions.
Wands are fire, movement, and the things we are passionate about. They can indicate growth. The number seven relates to evaluation. It is time to take a hard look at our methods. Infighting, anger, jealousy – these are tools of the dark. Self-defense is resistance and cannot serve the light. Only love has the power to change and transform this world. It is time we stop meeting violence with violence. Only love signifies.
3. Our Courage: IX of Swords
We have come to the end of a cycle characterized by worry, fear and doubt. It is time to trust in our dream for a better world. No more sleepless anxiety. Only have faith that all is moving according to plan.
Swords are thoughts, ideas, beliefs, and intellectual patterns. Nine promises an ending that will make room for a new beginning. It is time to let go of old beliefs/thought patterns and the anxieties that accompany them. The light of dawn is coming. Trust, take courage, and walk in hope.
4. Our Fears: X of Cups
We fear that all the goodness we have known is coming to an end, but just the opposite is happening! For the new to come, we must let go of the old. It is time for our traditional ideas of work, family, spirituality, and prosperity to die. Everything is vibration and there is no separation between us and the Divine. All is one. I say again, separation is an illusion.
Cups are emotion and intuition. They speak of Spirit and the flow of life. Ten is overabundance, fulfillment. Do not listen to the doom and gloom message being touted by the media, trying to keep you trapped in fear and worry. Listen only to Spirit. It is in the still small voice that we discern the truth and learn to hope with faith. There is no end to the abundance we can experience when we walk in the light. We are not fighting over a limited pie – the abundance of this universe is boundless!
5. To Celebrate: III of Pentacles
It is time to celebrate our expansion. We are coming together as one at last. New discoveries are beginning to verify what we have heard for so long from Spirit. Things are beginning to make sense and it is becoming more and more difficult for anyone to discount the power of the Divine in the world.
Pentacles are things of earth, the things we value in the natural/material world. They can be money, time, relationships. Three is the number for expansion, growth, fertility. Unity is growing in the camp of the Light! “A cord of three strands is not easily broken.” What we build together will stand the test. It is time to begin to trust one another again, to celebrate not only our similarities, but our differences too. We each bring something unique to the table that will help build the new world we all desire. Celebrate this time of increase in numbers, depth, and understanding.
6. To Contemplate: III of Swords
It is high time we dive deep into our ability to heal our own past hurts and pain. We have been the walking wounded for long enough, but even that has only been in the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves and our past. Take another look, reframe the picture of your life. Understand that everything has served the purpose of increasing the light – even our darkest days have taught us to trust – to listen to our intuition.
Swords are thoughts, ideas, beliefs, and intellectual patterns. Three is the number of expansion, growth, and fertility – but in this suit, the growth is stymied by wrong thinking. Our hearts are pierced by the thoughts in our minds. Love cannot flow from a heart hardened by bitterness and resentment. It is only our thoughts that cause us to suffer – how we think about our situation and the things that have happened in the past is key. Change your thoughts, change your life. Find gratitude for all that has come to pass. Staying anchored in the pain only keeps us acting out of that pain. Contemplate and reconsider reactions to everything in life. It is time to take courage, let go, and move on. Remember it is the story we tell ourselves that determines how we see everything. Let’s make our story a masterpiece!
The number of the spread = 5. Five is change. And change is coming! This year we have been given the opportunity to make our own change. To contemplate the past, choose new thoughts that will bring healing and find the strength to move on.
May you walk in peace and joy in light of this message from Spirit. As always, thank you for reading.
Namaste,
~C
There exists around me
A wide world of insanity
Voices filled with promise
Vie for attention before my eyes
Enticing paths run in all directions
Begging me follow
at my peril.
There exists inside me
A vast realm of possibility
Darkness alive with potential
Shrouding treasure behind my eyes
Untapped thoughts lay in the crevices
Marking time
'til I awaken.
For more on experiencing the space within, check out Dr. Joe Dispenza.
What if every situation in our lives comes to help us in some way? I mean every situation. Like the ones that tear your heart in two … financial loss, illness, death. What if ALL OF IT is an opportunity to teach us to tell a different story?
I love to paint. But let me clarify – I am hopeless with a brush, a pencil, a pen. Just give me a canvas, acrylic paint, and a way to make it fluid. I like to watch it crawl around the surface in little lines and swirls. Sometimes the colors surprise me; other times they are predictable, like when I make ‘mud’. But a child delights in mud. No one ever told them that ‘mud’ is not a pretty color. To a child, mud is nothing short of an opportunity to play.
The child knows how much fun mud can be, while grandmother sees the mess. No wonder Jesus said we have to become like children to understand life properly. Children never see the mess, they see the opportunity. After all, they are only in it for the fun.
A fellow artist was faced with this challenge today:
The storm came, the shelves shook, and a mess ensued. She awoke to a muddy disaster. She called for help, outside the box of her frustration and pain, and discovered that others had experienced their own disasters, and had found new ways to create beauty from them. They had looked for the opportunity in the mess. They had changed their stories and created beauty from failure.
What if this principle of finding joy and creativity inside the mud puddle applies to every area of our lives? The job ends, leaving room for new and better opportunities; the breakdown of a marriage leads to true love; the illness teaches you how resilient you are, giving you the strength to pursue a long-abandoned dream. Life’s disasters can open the door to possibilities never before imagined – if we will let them. But then, it all depends on what story you tell.
“Remember, you write your own script, so make it a masterpiece!”
Marisa Peer
You might want to read that again.
Now, imagine turning every story on its head. For instance, a friend of mine told me that when someone is driving haphazardly around her (too fast, weaving in and out of traffic, tailgating, etc.), she thinks, “That person must have a serious stomach illness and they’re looking for a bathroom; or perhaps they are trying to get to the hospital to say farewell to a loved one before it’s too late.” Actions easily interpreted as inconsiderate, reckless, or even hostile can be instantly transformed into a story that moves me to compassion and empathy, away from anger and frustration.
What kind of world could we create if every person assumed the best of everyone else, and even went so far as to find a silver lining in every situation? It would certainly make for a beautiful life story, wouldn’t it? A masterpiece even.
I’ll bet money that there is a disaster going on in some area of your life right now. It may be small or large, it may have gone on for years or just happened this morning. I am here to tell you that you have it in your power to tell whatever story about it you would like. It’s your story so the sky’s the limit! Why not make it a good one?
I challenge you to rewrite the story of your disaster – even better if you can find a silver lining. Have fun with it! Let me know what happens in the comments.
Namaste and thanks so much for reading,
~C
Tomorrow a group of bloggers will begin a new journey led by our fearless dino-sister, Rarasaur. November is traditionally a writing intensive month. I have no clue how it all began, but NaNoWriMo is a tool many writers use to push themselves to write, track their progress, and hopefully come up with their next great publication – all in the space of 30 days.
Now, it took me 4 years to complete a novel of approximately 92,000 words from beginning to end – I have a writing prompt from the King of the Matticus Kingdom to credit for that. It was difficult enough to finally make my way to a published work on Amazon … I cannot imagine the stress of trying to complete a novel in one month (the years of editing to follow notwithstanding). However, I have enjoyed the way that Rara takes us outside of that box to offer a challenge I can really sink my teeth into. This year is even more gratifying because it is designed to give us ample time to write, read, and comment (10 days of each).
In 2015 I participated in NaBloPoMo, and it was quite the experience. I even surprised myself that I was able to pull off a blog post every day. Some stuff has happened since then like grandkids, pickleball, acrylic pouring, a divorce, and 2 moves (one last November, coincidentally), I simply have not found the time to jump back in. I am hoping that this challenge will spark some ideas to get me moving in the direction of the sequel to The Mists of Tir Na Nóg. Never mind that very soon I’ll be moving again.
I hope you will stop by and comment from time to time this month. It’s always nice to know that someone is walking by my side. Who knows? You might get inspired to jump on the Cheer Peppers bandwagon yourself.
Thanks for reading and I’ll see you soon!
Namaste,
~C
Of late I have been reminded that the only way forward is through. The real problem comes when I want to bring some of myself and leave the ‘unwanted’ pieces behind. My daughter wisely says, “Everyone has to come if anyone is to come.” In the same way, all of me must go if any of me is to go.
Today I participated in a collaborative Facebook live with my dear friend and fellow light-worker, Delia Beadle. Delia founded Spirit Bear Rising, a Facebook group dedicated to helping the ‘woke’ community move forward. It was a joy interacting with her regular viewers. I even pulled a few cards, which is always fun. Two of the questions that came up today gave me pause. They were common enough. One had to do with success, the other with being ‘on track’. When Delia read them, I stumbled inwardly, as if a languid stroll had been interrupted by the tip of a rock against my tender big toe. The questions gnawed at my mind long after the live was over.
On a seemingly unrelated note, this evening I rifled my way through a ridiculous number of emails before deciding to read the weekly edition of Winning Writers. At the very end, I found this little gem:
And the priestess spoke again and said: Speak to us of Reason and Passion. And he answered saying:
Your soul is oftentimes a battlefield, upon which your reason and your judgment wage war against passion and your appetite. Would that I could be the peacemaker in your soul, that I might turn the discord and the rivalry of your elements into oneness and melody.
But how shall I, unless you yourselves be also the peacemakers, nay, the lovers of all your elements?
Your reason and your passion are the rudder and the sails of your seafaring soul.
If either your sails or your rudder be broken, you can but toss and drift, or else be held at a standstill in mid-seas. For reason, ruling alone, is a force confining; and passion, unattended, is a flame that burns to its own destruction. Therefore let your soul exalt your reason to the height of passion, that it may sing;
And let it direct your passion with reason, that your passion may live through its own daily resurrection, and like the phoenix rise above its own ashes.
I would have you consider your judgment and your appetite even as you would two loved guests in your house.
Surely you would not honour one guest above the other; for he who is more mindful of one loses the love and the faith of both.
Among the hills, when you sit in the cool shade of the white poplars, sharing the peace and serenity of distant fields and meadows—then let your heart say in silence, “God rests in reason.”
And when the storm comes, and the mighty wind shakes the forest, and thunder and lightning proclaim the majesty of the sky,—then let your heart say in awe, “God moves in passion.” And since you are a breath in God’s sphere, and a leaf in God’s forest, you too should rest in reason and move in passion.
Reason and Passion: An excerpt from The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran
Suddenly it clicked. During the live, I explained that to answer the question about job success would require a definition of the word ‘success’. For example, in March I took my last job as an administrative assistant and am counting down the days until it ends (July 31!!). I am not retiring. I decided to quit. It is doubtful that many – if any – would call my decision a success. After all, I make good money doing something I excel at. But quitting a job I hate, with no prospect of income on the horizon might be the greatest definition of success for me right now that I can think of.
Using that example, I asked the querent to take a different tack. Maybe the journey is not about success and failure but growth. Despite my explanation, I still had the nagging feeling that something more was at play. The words ‘on track’ gave me my next clue. What does that phrase even mean? If our life’s journey is the track, how can we possibly get ‘off’ of it?
We are human beings, bound by the limitations of physical time and space. The path we walk is defined by our current individual interpretations of vague, half-remembered past experiences etched into our subconscious minds long before we reached the age of rational thought. The implication in the question is whether or not the chosen path is right. But what do the words ‘right’ or ‘wrong’, ‘on’ or ‘off’ even mean in this context? The path I walk is my path, right, wrong, or indifferent. It is my reality, my truth. I am certainly ‘on’ it, whether I like it or not. And if I am on it, then I have chosen it. Perhaps I am unable to see another path, or perhaps I see all of them, but can only choose the one I am on.
These words: success, failure, right, wrong, on and off have got me thinking again about the deep-seated need we humans have to form dichotomies. I read somewhere recently that our dualistic ideas stem from the notion that our lives have a beginning and an end. In a way, they do, but only as viewed from the physical sense of birth and death. The fact is we are so much more than these earthly shells we currently occupy. (My daughter would add that we are stardust incarnate. 🙂 )
Some of you know the impact that Marisa Peer has had on my life this year. Learning to espouse the phrase “I am enough” has literally begun to transform my life in ways I never could have guessed. Questions about success or being ‘on’ the path bring to light our need to qualify and quantify our lives into something worthwhile – something good, something others will agree was successful. But what if just being here is enough?
How quick we are to judge ourselves, our thoughts and actions, even the paths we choose. We seek comfort in categorizing everything we perceive into a neat little package we call good or bad, right or wrong, on or off, light or darkness. But what if the path is none of those things? What if we are none of them either? What if our path is just that – our path – without qualification or the need for justification? What if everything in our experience – even us as human beings – just is. Beyond simplistic definition. Beyond dualism. Beyond imagination.
Perhaps the greatest challenge we will ever face is the discovery of the truth that we are both light and dark, good and bad, rational and passionate. What would our lives look like if we recognized that all of those seemingly disparate parts have indeed been packaged into one harmonious whole, and that all we are required to do is joyfully walk the path of our amazing, incredible, glorious life experience?
An amazing friend of mine (I could say my daughter’s friend because that’s how I met her, but thankfully, she’s my friend now too) is working through a series on facing the shadow within. My *birth number is 8, which corresponds to The Strength card in Tarot. Traditionally, Strength relates to exposing the shadow, both within myself and others. The purpose of shadow work is to integrate those parts of us which we think do not belong – you know, the things we are ashamed of, that we try to hide from ourselves and others.
But all of it belongs. All of it is us. Our shadow has a lot to do with who we have become, who we will become. Too often we dismiss our darker side with labels like ‘bad’ or ‘unacceptable’. This attitude is less than helpful when moving forward is the goal.
Always better to face the beast head-on, and give it the love it needs to feel heard and accepted.
Anywho, she posted a prompt today encouraging her readers to create something as an expression of a frustration they are dealing with. Something related to their shadow.
My frustration is two-fold. First, I feel stuck, like I am spinning my wheels and getting nowhere. I know that this is completely untrue, but that is how I feel none-the-less. Second is the shadow part of that equation: my own feelings of inadequacy, blame, and the fear of taking the leap that I believe I need to take in order to get where I want to be. The challenge for me is to learn how to give myself the grace to wait, to be okay with where I am, to understand that this ‘quiet time’ is an important part of the process, and that there really is such a thing as divine timing. As a strong Type-A, I tend to feel like I am ‘less than’ when not actively pursuing something with purpose and gusto. But the Universe is working behind the scenes right now, putting all of the puzzle pieces into place. My task is first to trust that truth, and second, to find joy in the process.
A huge part of self-care for me right now is ending the cycle of self-recrimination. I would have poured some paint but ended up having other things to do today. So tonight I wrote a poem. I hope you enjoy it.
Sun, rain, leaves of green,
eat, stretch, grow.
Cloud, wind, heavy branch,
weave, stretch, grow.
Dark, dissolving, thick cocoon,
sleep, stretch, grow.
Awake, renewed, azure sky,
fly, stretch, GO!
As always, thanks for reading.
Namaste,
~C
*Note: To calculate your own birth number, simply add together the month, day, and year that you were born. Now keep adding the digits together until you have reduced the number to a single digit. If you complete this task and would like to know the corresponding Tarot card and its meaning, feel free to email your number to ripplesofinsight@gmail.com. Happy transforming!
Never in a million years could I imagine that one day I would wake up and say, “Thank you for this illness” and mean it. I have been avoiding, resisting, and lamenting dis-ease and pain of any kind for most of my life. I don’t know about you, but I don’t do pain well.
Today I read the blog of a dear light worker friend about facing the shadows within. But what do you do when your shadow is embodied in physical pain?
This time the pain and limited movement lasted two full days and nights. Sleep was torture and pickleball out of the question (a monumental travesty in itself). In the wee hours of Saturday morning, I tried meditating – in child’s pose. To anyone watching, it would have looked like downward dog on my knees. In the midst of my agony I remembered that this same thing had happened the last two times I was sick with a respiratory infection. It was a head cold for god’s sake! So why did my back, hips, and IT Bands feel like they had been set ablaze?! If the pain had been everywhere, I would have chalked it up to body aches. But it wasn’t.
Why does my back hurt when I have a cold?
Google to the rescue!
Mark Zawadsky, MD, and orthopedic surgeon at MedStar Georgetown University Hospital in Washington, DC., ‘When you’re sick with the cold and flu, stress hormones can potentiate the feeling of pain.’ In other words, feeling sick can make you hyper-attuned to other aches and pains you might otherwise shrug off.
But there’s more.
‘When you have a cold, the body makes pyrogens, a byproduct of cell breakdown,’ says John Stamatos, MD, director of interventional pain management at Syosset Hospital in Syosset, New York. ‘While these pyrogens create fevers and help your body fight infection, they’re also toxic to the body and contribute to that all-around achy feeling you get when you’re sick.’ That’s because pyrogens tend to gather around nerves that transmit pain, which can heighten those nerves’ ability to transmit the pain. So if you’re already prone to an achy back, having a cold can worsen it.
Source: https://www.health.com/pain/4-weird-causes-of-back-pain
A-HA! Sorry, I couldn’t resist throwing in the proverbial ‘aha moment’. But last night’s realization was more useful to me than learning how pyrogens make my back and hips hurt. Understanding that these little demons chemicals were exposing areas of chronic inflammation turned a light on for me. Dr. Joe Dispenza, Mingtong Gu, and many other alternative health practitioners have taught me that chronic inflammation leads to serious illness and disease. That is not something I am willing to sit still and wait for. Add to that the persistent presence of Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis (since 2003) and I am looking at a bleak future physically, unless I decide to do something about it.
Now I have to back track just a bit. I have actually been dealing with some sort of back pain, somewhere in my back, since the 1990’s. Once while water skiing, I threw my lower back out so badly that I was forced to walk bent over at a 90 degree angle until the chiropractor could right the wrong. The worst bout by far ran from mid-February to mid-March of 2016. It began the day I contacted a lawyer to file for divorce. Nothing physical had triggered that particular attack. It was all emotional, and it lasted longer than any other flare-up before or since (imagine a full month of not being able to tie your shoes, sit in a chair, lie down, or stand comfortably). Over time, I have learned to mostly block the pain from my awareness. Don’t get me wrong, I often wake up too stiff to bend over. But in light of what the pyrogens taught me, perhaps that is a good thing.
After the attack in 2016, I began looking at my back pain with an eye to find the emotional energetic source of it rather than the physical one. My metaphysical friends know that all disease begins in the energy body where the chakras are housed, and that the main trigger for every disease is stress, be it emotional (like traffic or loss), or physical (GMO’s, food allergies, or a string of infections). Each of the seven main chakras is connected to an area of the body and corresponds to emotions based on our beliefs. (Never before has Rob Bell’s teaching “Everything is Spiritual” meant so much to me.)
What I am dealing with is primarily a root or base chakra issue. The lowest chakra is housed around the sacrum and develops over the first seven years of early childhood. It relates to our family of origin and ancestry, and determines our overall feeling of well being, support, and security in the physical world.
According to brain wave studies, the first seven years of a child’s life are spent entirely in a Delta (ages 0-2) and then Theta (ages 2-7) state. Theta is called the dream state (REM) and is the realm of the subconscious mind. The child’s psyche has not yet developed to include rational thought, so he or she simply absorbs everything from the environment, without discrimination or judgement. The development of rational thought (the ability to differentiate right from wrong, good from bad, or even the delineation of self from others) continues until age 14 – a full 7 years! So whatever happens to the child in the years leading up to age 7 cannot be evaluated as good, bad, or indifferent during that time. It is all simply accepted and absorbed into the subconscious mind, which then forms the programs that run for the rest of his or her days.
Here’s an interesting stat: 95% of your life as an adult is lived out of your subconscious mind. In other words, your day-in and day-out life is based on the programs that were placed in your psyche by other people (your parents, siblings, teachers, and caregivers) before you turned 7! So the next time you do or say something that your rational thinking mind did not intend, you will know why.
I cannot help but think of Paul’s lament in Romans.
15 I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. 16 But if I know that what I am doing is wrong, this shows that I agree that the [rational mind’s intention] is good. 17 So I am not the one doing wrong; but [another power] within me.
21 I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. 22 I love [my good intentions] with all my heart. 23 But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind.
Romans chapter 7
What Paul called ‘sin’ we now know are the subconscious programs running the show of our lives. Here is where the demarcation between I and me truly exists. Only 5% of your life is run by that rational thinker inside your head. It has a slower processor than the subconscious and way less power and influence over you. (For more information, click here.)
If all of this is true, then what can be done to change the programs? How can we reverse the chronic issues and behaviors (even illnesses) stemming from something we were given basically a lifetime ago? So glad you asked! The programs of the subconscious mind can be rewritten in three basic ways.
This chart shows the various brain wave states of a normal adult:
Note that the Theta state (the same state you spent your early years in) can be reached through meditation, but you also pass through it every night while falling asleep and every morning while waking up. These are the key times to feed your brain information that can alter the preprogrammed behaviors in your body. I have been meditating for about four years, but only began using subliminal hypnosis about 4 months ago. Yet I still have an overabundance of thyroid antibodies and chronic back pain of some sort. What’s a girl to do?
The first thing for me was to decide that enough was enough. It is time I discover and deal with the subconscious beliefs that have been holding me captive both physically and emotionally. Clearly the meditations and QiGong exercises are taking too long – or worse, not actually reaching my subconscious mind at all!
Sometime last night I ran into information on Emily A. Francis.
Emily, the author of the book The Body Heals Itself, has a Master of Science in Physical Education with a Concentration in Human Performance and a BS in Exercise Science and Wellness with a minor in nutrition from Jacksonville State University. In 2004 Emily graduated from the Atlanta School of Massage in Clinical and Neuromuscular therapy. Immediately after, she went on to study and complete the Dr. Vodder School International for Manual Lymphatic Drainage and Combined Decongestive Therapy (graduating in 2005 and completing recertifications with the school every 3 years since). Over the years since massage school Emily has taken courses in advanced TMJ dysfunction, MLD/CDT recertifications and has become a Certified Pediatric Therapist. She holds a gold medal in the US Open in Tai Chi Form and many more credentials
I am so ready to move past this challenge in my life, and have decided to roll the dice and place my energetic block in Emily’s hands. Emily works with a local naturopath specializing in NAET and kinesiology. Dr. Tom Dill helps Emily point her therapy in the right direction. My appointment is not until mid-July, so until then, I will do what the meditation I found last night encouraged: Breathe in acceptance of this present moment and all of its circumstances, relax into the experience, then breathe out, letting go with gratitude for what the pain is teaching me about myself. It is time to face and embrace my shadow.
As always, thanks for reading.
Namaste,
C
P.S. I will be blogging about my experience with these two practitioners, so stay tuned!
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Growing older is inevitable. Growing up is optional.
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Your connection to the Otherworldly
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IMJUSTJASON.COM
Paradigm Shift, Mindfulness, and Personal Empowerment
come walk with me on the path of awakening
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I always end up writing about monsters...
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My Tales of Parenting and Other Crap
Follow the Journey...
My friends wouldn't join a book club, so here I am, making my own.
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Hilarious comic-tary on news, views, and attitudes. Publication days are bendy. We're creative and love the sound of deadlines as they...are those pretzels?
