Writing in the Context

This post was inspired by a friend’s comment on the difficulty of clear communication in relationships between men and women.

When you figure that out write it down,

he said.

As if relationship itself is a concept, an abstract idea easily understood once pinned (or penned) down. But relationships – like words – require context, and that context is us. You. Me. Complex humans who cannot come to any word without interpretation specific to you, and to me.

Where ne’er the twain shall meet?

I laughed when you said, “Write it down.”

You have no idea. Behind countless scrawled journals and screens I hide, safe to distill my thoughts into carefully crafted scripts. My words form a wall, my own personal fortress – the one place I can be truly me, whether anyone else understands who sits behind it or not. 

With you I force myself to speak, an attempt to be done with hiding. This time I will see, hear, know what comes of my words in the context of us. The relationship that cannot bear the sound of them is a mirage, an oasis shimmering in the distance with only the empty promise of connection.

words too heavy
float like boulders in my mind
i fear the weight of their fall 
on ears too fragile

Most often the words will not come. When they do, the anticipation of possible outcomes stop them in my throat. I watch you do it too, ill-prepared for the vulnerability that revelation invites.

But what if the fear is a lie, the mere shadow of a monster cast by our own egos upon that flat featureless expanse of time we see stretched out before us? Unlike Pan, we reject it, content to let it drag along behind, weighing us down with the burden of truths we are unwilling to face in the glaring light of context.

As always, thanks for reading.

~ Cindy